The Hypocrite Wife and Happiness

A new book "The Secret Lives of Wives" by Iris Krasnow is being touted as a guideline for happy marriages. The book has been promoted by outlets such as The Today Show, CBS, The Huffington Post, Psychology Today and many others. Its philosphy is based on female double standard.

For example, the book emphasizes a wife should establish a strong, separate identity from her husband. She should create her "own space” and have freewheeling adventures away from the family where she can act “unmom”. However, happy relationships do not require women permitting their husbands the same freedoms. He doesn't need freewheeling adventures nor his "own space". This is why a husband is often criticized as being neglectful whenever he does any activity independent of his wife.

Additionally, the book insists a woman maintain a tight circle of girlfriends. This allows her an escape hatch from the challenges of marriage. However the hypocritical guidelines see no marital benefit for a man maintaining his friendships. Many women considered it demeaning if he needed an escape valve.

The author also emphasizes a married woman should increase her contacts with other men. For example, Krasnow credits her close relationships with her male buddies for some of her marital stability. She says, though not sexual, another man is fun to talk or flirt with. He is somebody to email after having a fight with your husband. Having a male flirtation can strengthen the marriage. Krasnow calls them "boyfriends with boundaries".

However, in classic hypocrisy, husbands having "girlfriends with boundaries" are unnecessary for marital stability. Flirting with other women is not seen as a way of strengthening the relationship.

The book goes even further and presents women who claim cheating on your husband can improve the marriage. One stated “If you avoid getting caught, a little affair can perk up a marriage,”. Another stated “My husband is only capable of doing so much, and it’s not enough,”. A different cheating wife said "A husband is your costar and a rock in your life. But if you’re a multidimensional person, you need a lot of different colors on your palette.” Promoting this aspect of the book, The Huffington Post linked to an article discussing Susan Shapiro Barash, a gender studies professor at Marymount Manhattan College. Ms Barash believes a wife's affair "is always about what’s missing from a marriage." The affair is the husband's fault & Barash claims cheating can empower women, raise their self esteem and allow them to renegotiate their marriage.

However, if these women's husbands begin having affairs of their own, Barash judges it differently. She believes it insults women. This is the mentality of a NARROW MINDED, FEMALE CHAUVINIST PIG - in other words a feminist.

The cheating women presented by Krasnow have this same mindset. They justify their affairs using an array of excuses. However, these hypocrites still demand their husbands remain faithful. It is considered sacrilegious if these men begin having affairs of their own.

Krasnow's book is misnamed. A more accurate title for her book would have been "Why Men Dont Get Married". They don't want to waste their life with a hypocrite wife.

October 24, 2011


Anonymous said...

Just a general comment about your Blog: Its very good and you've made some very significant, not to mention well articulated comments about the feminism dilemma.
I don't understand why it doesn't have a mauch larger readership than it appears to have. BTW I found your blog by following a link that you left in one of your comments at the theantifeminist.com

I hope you will continue with your good work.

Seikis said...

Maybe she also thinks there are 100 or more men per women.

Rob said...

Thanks for the compliment Alan.
As for the readership, I figure at least some people are reading it - Blogger stats say I have 60 hits from facebook & this one post was read 190 times - so I know at least someone is reading it (assuming Blogger is accurate). If these people inturn present this blog's ideas to a larger audience at their site, thats fine by me.

UK Fred said...

I know that I have come late to this, but I have just seen it quoted on Dalrock's blog.

All I can say about Ms. Barash's comment about renegotiating a marriage is that the wife must realise that if a marriage is up for renegotiation, then it is all up for renegation. After all, sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. But if the husband does not want a slut wife, that renegotiation will include his unwillingness to continue with the marriage in the light of his wife's adultery, aka divorce. Unfortunately for many in the USA, this means the forced expropriation of property in divorce theft, otherwise known as settlement, alimony and child support.

Anonymous said...

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Anonymous age 69

Fidel said...


I know this late, but I've been on the manosphere for 2 years now,and it's the first time I've come to this blog, courtesy of a commenter at the Spearhead.

Looks good, thank you, I've bookmarked it and I'll take a good look around.

Anonymous said...

Hi there, I want to subscribe for this web site to obtain latest updates, thus
where can i do it please help.

Rob said...

Sorry, I didnt see this sooner. I dont monitor this blog daily. I believe Blogger only allows people to follow a particular blog with email (at top right) but Im not 100% certain.
Another possibility is here:

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Peculiar article, just what I wanted to find.

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