The Hypocrite Wife and Happiness

A new book "The Secret Lives of Wives" by Iris Krasnow is being touted as a guideline for happy marriages. The book has been promoted by outlets such as The Today Show, CBS, The Huffington Post, Psychology Today and many others. Its philosphy is based on female double standard.

For example, the book emphasizes a wife should establish a strong, separate identity from her husband. She should create her "own space” and have freewheeling adventures away from the family where she can act “unmom”. However, happy relationships do not require women permitting their husbands the same freedoms. He doesn't need freewheeling adventures nor his "own space". This is why a husband is often criticized as being neglectful whenever he does any activity independent of his wife.

Additionally, the book insists a woman maintain a tight circle of girlfriends. This allows her an escape hatch from the challenges of marriage. However the hypocritical guidelines see no marital benefit for a man maintaining his friendships. Many women considered it demeaning if he needed an escape valve.

The author also emphasizes a married woman should increase her contacts with other men. For example, Krasnow credits her close relationships with her male buddies for some of her marital stability. She says, though not sexual, another man is fun to talk or flirt with. He is somebody to email after having a fight with your husband. Having a male flirtation can strengthen the marriage. Krasnow calls them "boyfriends with boundaries".

However, in classic hypocrisy, husbands having "girlfriends with boundaries" are unnecessary for marital stability. Flirting with other women is not seen as a way of strengthening the relationship.

The book goes even further and presents women who claim cheating on your husband can improve the marriage. One stated “If you avoid getting caught, a little affair can perk up a marriage,”. Another stated “My husband is only capable of doing so much, and it’s not enough,”. A different cheating wife said "A husband is your costar and a rock in your life. But if you’re a multidimensional person, you need a lot of different colors on your palette.” Promoting this aspect of the book, The Huffington Post linked to an article discussing Susan Shapiro Barash, a gender studies professor at Marymount Manhattan College. Ms Barash believes a wife's affair "is always about what’s missing from a marriage." The affair is the husband's fault & Barash claims cheating can empower women, raise their self esteem and allow them to renegotiate their marriage.

However, if these women's husbands begin having affairs of their own, Barash judges it differently. She believes it insults women. This is the mentality of a NARROW MINDED, FEMALE CHAUVINIST PIG - in other words a feminist.

The cheating women presented by Krasnow have this same mindset. They justify their affairs using an array of excuses. However, these hypocrites still demand their husbands remain faithful. It is considered sacrilegious if these men begin having affairs of their own.

Krasnow's book is misnamed. A more accurate title for her book would have been "Why Men Dont Get Married". They don't want to waste their life with a hypocrite wife.